I should get hazard pay

Good morning lover,

As I lay here in bed, painstakingly writing this letter by letter on my Itouch, my right breast is aching. No, I'm not pregnant, or PMSing, and for sure I'm not lactating. No, because my life is a joke, my suicidal, perfectly sober, combative patient bit me. Right on the tit.

Now, keep in mind that this girl, who could not have weighed more than 90lbs, was already handcuffed. We were physically carrying her out the door, kicking and screaming, and with no mention of dinner or a movie she chomped right down on second base. Broke the skin too, the bitch! She then proceeded to call me the "c" word about a dozen times, and informed me that it's her right to bite me. Just as it's her right to cut her wrists slightly and to wrap appliance cords around her neck. I'm told it's in the constitution...

So now I've got two little puncture wounds and I feel like this is something Buffy the Vampire Slayer should know about. Bets on whether or not I bruise?

Go ahead, lay it on thick and get it out of your system. I've already heard a dozen variations of "want me to look at that for you?" and "Most action you've gotten in a while huh?"

To bed I go. Good night and sweet dreams my love.

Your disaster of a friend,

Amanda