Story Corner with Brooke

Dearest darling Firlina (I refuse to give up!)

I am terribly sorry for the delay in response. clearly I am a HUGE slacker and have no grounds to ever call you one again for not posting immediately. Consider the playing field even once again.


As for your TV stand with the stubborn sticker, I have found these things in my Pinterest stalking:

(well... I didn't find much for the TV stand, but fear not! I haven't given up hope. I did, however, find these...  which of course sparked a genuine Brooke's Story Corner tale. Enjoy.)

The Princess and the "Glitter Shitter"

Once upon a time, in a magical land far, far away, there was a princess (probably a HIPPA protected story as well. Damn it) who decided that her mundane days of dumping on a simple plastic toilet seat were over. And so, she called upon her Fairy Godmother to glamorize her porcelain throne. Fairy Godmother, or Franny, as she prefers to be called, appeared in a cloud of Virginia Slim smoke, asking "What? What is it?" in her stereotypical Jewish Brooklyn accent made gravelly by her certain bout of Emphysema. Our little princess lamented her woes of not having a blinged-out bowel movement receptacle, and Franny rolled her eyes, exclaiming "Oy! I'm getting far too old for this mashugana!" before waving her cherried Virginia Slim like a wand and creating this masterpiece. (Or at least that's how I see it going down.)

Our little HIPPA princess, now satisfied with her shitting status, turns her sights from her toilet bowl and out into the world, searching for a suitable mate to share her glamorized throne. And who better to do so than the owner of this little beauty?

Ah yes, the prince who sits upon this foliaged throne whilst taking his morning dump is of course the only man suited for our HIPPA princess. Will their paths ever meet? Perhaps on the way to a public toilet somewhere, both parties disgruntled that they have to use the commoners facilities because their own custom toilet seats are safe and warm at their respective palaces, their eyes will meet and they will both know that true love has been achieved. I'd imagine it feels a lot like relieving yourself after a long night of drinking, because nothing says "love" like the beer shits.

(... I probably shouldn't quit my day job.)


I want that fortune tattooed on me somewhere. That's so perfect. Maybe that can be on your next support team sign? I am definitely going to have to skife that off of you and keep it in my water belt, though. You know, for luck. :) Thank your partner for me, that totally made my day three days ago when I originally read your post.

As for newness in the life of Me, there isn't much. Drunk Brooke successfully returned home with all of her vitals (keys, wallet, phone) intact last night. Huge gold star for her. However, she did take more out of Sober Brooke's bank account than Sober Brooke wanted to see this morning, but thankfully my coaching stipend comes through within the next two weeks and so I will have a little cushion. Which will, eventually, all go to student loans, bills, rent, etc., but for a little bit it will be nice to not feel as if I'm about to go under.

Regardless, all of this was made exponentially better by the fact that WE HAVE A DOG IN OUR APARTMENT FOR THREE WEEKS!!! As you have seen, he is absolutely adorable, and I am devising a way to steal him before his owner comes to take him away from us again. In case you forgot how cute he is, here's a little reminder.



LOOK AT THAT FACE! I just want to squish it! When I get 1000 extra bones lying around I am so buying a Shiba Inu and loving it to death. It has officially risen above a Corgi in my dog obsession rankings.

Well, my dearest, I hope you have enjoyed my ramblings for today. I am going to get myself cleaned up and pulled together so I can go on my coffee date with Mr. Online. Clearly I will be calling and/or texting you updates and details ASAP.

And I need your address because I have shit to send you! Maybe a "Glitter Shitter" is in your future...

Paix et Amour toujours,

Pascale